Humble Tumbleweed

Back from my trip out west, I am humbled once again by life and it's treasures.

So many things happened in 10 days! It's almost hard to really explain the journey. I was able to facilitate my first retreat, with 52 women, in a breathtaking location in MacKenzie Bridge, Oregon. Also, I was gifted with the opportunity to lead a Meditation Service the following week, as well as perform twice and offer music for a Sunday Service in Portland.

Every piece of this trip was humbling in the best way.

During the retreat I felt like a tumbleweed. The wind of circumstance was blowing me all over the place, and at first I had a hard time finding bearings. But when I let go, with the help of the MANY amazing women, I was able to ride the wind and let the offerings come through me.

What a blessing to be able to let go and let the wings of LOVE carry me.

I was able to be a part of a satsang with Tigmonk as well, which was SO eye opening and from it came a hilarious new poem about Being Present. An extremely humbling experience.

Seeing the Western Women in my life was extremely healing for me as well. My lesbian moms, Gladys and Jade provided a backdrop for me to really create my own space, while providing loving arms to fall into, not to mention a hot tub under the night sky. Radiant, Shelley, and Mary Kay, are the three women who complete my coven in Oregon, and through them I really learned how to even more deeply love friends. Thank you, ladies. Laura and Elora in Portland really remind me how very much support I have in this Universe. Laura is my soul mirror an Elora is a healing witch. I LOVE YOU. So many others touched my soul during this trip. Thank you, everyone.

Letting go, even further now, as I rejoin my world here in North Carolina. Reentry can be a bitch for me, thinking I need to be somewhere else, after being a traveling arteest. But I know I'm EXACTLY where I need to be and I'm filled with gratitude for my partner, Nicole, our fur babies, and our gorgeous home.

Sending, receiving, and being love,

Amy

Led by the Leash of Love

My dearest pup Luna has been incorrectly trained by me and it is what it is. Since she's a little baby, I've let her run wild as I walk the neighborhood. I walk at a quiet time, about 10 am, and I put on her leash, but I let her run alongside me, exploring yards, chasing birds, just being a free pup. She LOVES it.

There is nobody around, and if there is, she really isn't interested. She just wants to be FREE. She runs her ass off. She runs until she pants, her tongue wildly wagging as she makes her way from bush to bush, yard to yard, loving life.

After about 8 minutes of freedom, she is totally exhausted. She comes to me and says with her eyes, "Please, take the leash now. I'm wearing myself out, and if you don't take the leash, I'm going to continue to run myself ragged." This is what I hear her say with her eyes.

So I take the leash for a bit and we walk together. She catches her breath and finds her center, gearing up for another tear through the world. When she's ready to go again, I say, "Go!" and she takes off running, never out of my sight, but free as the wind. She is blissed out by the time we get home.

I have trained her this way. It is my fault. Probably the reason is because I lived with a guy in Boone who had two dogs and they were never on leashes. He had TRAINED them to come when he called and stay by his side, however. So, I sort of just let Luna be free. She's now a big mess. But she loves it and so do I.

It struck me yesterday on our walk what a spiritual lesson this whole thing is for us. She comes to me when she needs me to calm her, just like I go to Spirit, prayer and meditation when I need to calm down. But sometimes, I run myself ragged, wild in the wind, with nothing really guiding me but my own urge for freedom. It's nice to know I can always go to Go(o)d when I need to be led by the leash of love.

Here  are two one of my favorites of Luna (the big brown one) and Tiki (tiny black demon).

No More Crazy! Meditate!

It is imperative for me to meditate.

If I don't, I'm crazy. That's all there is to it.

If I don't sit daily, for at LEAST 10 minutes, quiet my body, relax my mind, ask Spirit to guide me, I'm straight up nuts.

Carol Carnes said in a talk, "If you aren't meditating, you are trying too hard."

And I've found that to be ABSOLUTELY true for me.

It feels like I'm pushing hard against the world when I don't meditate. And when I do, when I really PRACTICE it, daily, my world is COMPLETELY altered. I mean, COMPLETELY.

Please, don't take it from me. TRY IT YOURSELF!

Here's a link to my favorite meditation. Try it. Just sit down, and try it.

BLISS!

MEDIATE AND FIND BALANCE HERE

Love is EVERYWHERE

Just for a moment. 

Think of someone who loves you.

Really ADORES you. 

Feel the love in your heart space. 

Now, think of someone you love. Intensely. Feel that feeling. 

Let it grow inside of you. 

Now go out into the world and cultivate! 

That's my plan for the day.

BE HERE.

Breathe through it. Just breathe. When we focus on our breath we can stay present. And in the present moment there is little fear and little worry. These things are usually connected to anxiety about the future, or regret about the past. But truly, all we have is this moment.

So right here, feel the air on your skin. Feel your feet on the floor. Become aware of the room you are in, the light that surrounds you, and the beat of your heart.

So grateful to be practicing the presence of just being here. This is where serenity for me lies. Right here, right now.

BE STILL AND KNOW.

And sometimes I just want to stay still for awhile. I just want to lie down and check out for awhile. And so I let myself do this. I let myself be with the quiet and the the not-knowing. Sometimes I'm not sure of the next move or the next 'right thing.' And so, I do nothing. I just try to stay present, aware, and at peace. Peace is where the answers lie. Namaste.

Feeling Beautiful

I feel beautiful.

I don't feel skinny or young or in shape. But I feel beautiful.

I know I am beautiful. I look in the mirror and I say "I am glad to be you today." This, of course, implies that I am more than this body and it is a privilege to inhabit these bones and muscles and to get to view this magical world through these eyes and this brain.

I'm writing about this because a post on fb I read this morning reminded me of how I used to believe whatever YOU believed about me to be true. The post said something like " my friend told me I was a six and I think he's right." I am paraphrasing, but the essence was that she was 'rated' on a scale of one to ten and basically agreed of her 'imperfect' number, etc...

So many things about this got me thinking.

Of course, it is hard to be told something obviously hurtful and not be hurt. But if you told me I was a bird or a plane, it would be easy for me to prove to myself I am not a bird or a plane. I know in the depth of my being I am not a bird or a plane. I am human. Duh.

But call me a 'Six'  and you hit every nerve of low self-worth and low self-esteem, every time I have compared myself to magazine beauty. It might be a bit tougher to remember the truth of who I am. I am a perfect ME. Right now. Right here. At this weight, age, height, wisdom.

It truly is an inside job. Today, I felt suddenly aware that while I love you, I don't really give a shit if you think I am beautiful or smart or good enough. Because I am sure of these things about myself today. Maybe it is something that happens as i've gotten older. Life becomes more precious, and there is less time to waste on your opinion of me.

You are beautiful, but don't take it from me because it doesn't matter what I think.

Inward ho,

Amy

Sweet Freedom!

Well it has been quite an interesting month.

Decided NOT to go to Chicago after all, following a profound conversation with my would-be boss, the delightful Lola Wright. She offered me the opportunity to consider what it might feel like NOT to go. And , quite honestly, I hadn't even conSIDered that!

When I did, I found myself overwhelmed with relief and a feeling of peace and freedom. I realized that my life in Charlotte is perfection, my Spiritual Center in Charlotte is my heart, my friends here are remarkable, the travel time to family is easy, and it is BEAUTIFUL in Charlotte most of the year.

Sweeet Freeeeeedom!

To back out, walk away, say NO, tune in to what I truly desire! What bliss!

Perfect for this time of year.

It is Passover and Easter and Spring! Time to get free!

I did some intense meditation around my life purpose recently and came up with the notion that I am no longer in any way okay with the feeling of desperation. However, I can see where desperation has served me quite well in the past. It was, you see, the gift of desperation that brought me to my spitritual path which has ultimately led me to joy, peace and freedom.

But I am growing into a place of self-trust. This means really listening to those gut feelings, which I really have never trusted before. I can now. I am ready to be true to myself. For a very long time I have had to seek outside help and I still do at times, but for the BIG decisions, All I need is to tune in to my Higher Self and listen.

And so I say, free yourslf from bondage. Rise up. Break out. What is it that you really want to do? It may hurt others. It may disappoint. Perhaps it will feel really weird. Just do it. You have THIS MOMENT. It is divine, precious, and not to be wasted.

Happy holidays!

To freedom, resurrection, and blooming,

Amy